Cold Showers Leads to Crack

Cold Showers
Performer(s): Rebecca (with Paula, Darryl and the tenants) — First Appearance: ""Josh and I Work on a Case!""
Genre: Patter Song

No hot water! Means cold, cold showers! And cold showers are the gateway drug to Crack!
— Rebecca

"Cold Showers" is a song Rebecca sang when trying to get the tenants of Josh's apartment to sign up for a class action law suit. She had unknowingly stumbled onto a legitimate reason for a case she could bring Josh in on to spend more time with him. In order to convince him she needed to convince his neighbors to join in so that he would be pressured to sign up as well. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Josh and I Work on a Case!".

The song with lyricsEdit

Cold Showers Lead to Crack (feat02:10

Cold Showers Lead to Crack (feat. Rachel Bloom) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"



There's nothing I love more
In life than a scalding hot shower.
It's the symbol of human dignity
That separates us from the chimps.
Helps you scrub off the day
And scrub on the sleep.
Don't know if you're morning or
Night shower people.
Whatever floats you boat.

But where are your toddlers
Gonna float their boats if all
You have is cold H2O?
That's two parts hydrogen,
One part oxygen, and zero
Parts Justice!


Now I know you're thinking,
"What are you talking about?
Go away this is private property."


Well before we leave, ladies
And gents, allow me to set
The scene: Imaaaaaaa --

Delivery Guy:

Yeah, I don't live here.




Imaaaaaaagine your kids takin'
A shower before they go to
School. They douse their skin
With ice cold water, a huge shock
To their li'l systems. At first
It's downright unpleasant
But then it gets them wired in
A way they've never felt and
They think to themselves,
"That shower felt great, maybe
I'll try cocaine!"


No hot water! Means cold
Cold showers! And cold showers
Are the gateway drug to

Rebecca, Paula and Darryl:

Cold Water is drugs!




So your son's on coke, your
Daughter's pregnant and
Your husband's probably having
An affair! Apocalypse!
Just like the movie "I Am Legend"
But not like that at all!

No hot water!
Which means cold showers!
Next thing you know, your
Kids will be on crack!


No hot water!


Which means cold showers!


Which everyone knows is
The gateway drug to crack,
Crack, crack, crack...

Rebecca, Paula and Darryl:

Crack, crack, crack, crack...


Crack, crack, crack, crack...


It's not just about the hot water,
Folks! If this landlord's not taking
A measly hour out of his day to
Fix your shower, then what's this
Scumbag doing with all your hard
Earned cash? He's taking it and
Blowing it on a had of Pai Gow
At the Indian casino!




He's fat-catting it at fancy
Restaurants like... like the
Olive Garden!
And Red Lobster!
Gasp is right! That's Gasp
With a upper-cast G that
Ends with P. The first letter
In pool!

No hot water!


No hot water!


Which means cold showers!


Next thing you know, your
Kids will be on crack!


That makes sense!



The song is an homage to the 1957 Broadway musical "The Music Man "' number "You Got trouble ". It was later made famous by the 1962 film adaptation where it was performed by actor Robert Preston ". Similar homages to the song have been done thoughout the years including a monorail themed one on "The Simpsons".

The Music Man "Ya Got Trouble"04:59

The Music Man "Ya Got Trouble"

Simpsons - Monorail Song02:57

Simpsons - Monorail Song

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Songs
Season 1 Songs

· "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme Song"
· "West Covina (song)"
· "The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
· "I'm So Good At Yoga"
· "Feelin' Kinda Naughty"
· "Face Your Fears"
· "I Have Friends"
· "A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes"
· "Settle For Me"

· "Sex with a Stranger"
· "I Love My Daughter"
· "I'm a Good Person"
· "I Give Good Parent"
· "What'll It Be"
· "Sexy French Depression"
· "His Status is...Preferred"
· "Where's the Bathroom?"
· "California Christmastime"
· "Women Gotta Stick Together"
· "Dear Joshua Felix Chan"

· "Having a Few People Over"
· "Put Yourself First"
· "Textmergency"
· "Where Is The Rock?"
· "You Stupid Bitch"
· "Group Hang"
· "Romantic Moments"
· "Cold Showers"
· "JAP Battle"
· "Flooded with Justice
· "Gettin' Bi"
· "I'm The Villain In My Own Story"

· "Dream Ghost"
· "I Could If I Wanted To"
· "Clean Up on Aisle 4"
· "Heavy Boobs"
· "I Gave You a UTI"
· "Angry Mad"
· "Oh My God I Think I Like You"
· "After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)"
· "One Indescribable Instant"

Season 2 Songs

· "Just a Girl in Love"
· "Love Kernels"
· "We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now"
· "Maybe This Dream"
· "Greg's Drinking Song"
· "Ping Pong Girl"
· "The Math of Love Triangles"
· "It Was a S*** Show"

· "We Tapped That Ass"
· "Makey Makeover"
· "Thought Bubbles"
· "Triceratops Ballet"
· "Friendtopia"
· "Stuck in the Bathroom"
· "Research Me Obsessively"
· "You Go First"
· "So Maternal"

· "Duh!"
· "Who's The New Guy?"
· "George's Turn"
· "We'll Never Have Problems Again"
· "Remember That We Suffered"
· "Santa Ana Winds"
· "Let's Have Intercourse"

· "You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)"
· "Man Nap"
· "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick"
· "Period Sex"
· "What a Rush to Be a Bride"

Season 3 Songs

· "Where's Rebecca Bunch?"
· "Let's Generalize About Men"
· "You Do/You Don’t Want To Be Crazy"
·I've Got My Head In The Clouds
·Strip Away My Conscience
· "The Buzzing From The Bathroom"
· "The Moment Is Me"
·I Go To The Zoo

· "Scary Scary Sexy Lady"
· "The End of The Movie"
· "Maybe She's Not Such A Heinous Bitch After All"
· "I Feel Like This Isn't About Me"
·A Diagnosis
·This Is My Movement
·The Very First Penis I Saw
·My Friend's Dad



Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reprises

· "West Covina (I)"
· "West Covina (II)"
· "Settle For Me (I)"
· "Settle For Me (II)"

· "I'm a Good Person (silent)"
· "The Sexy Gonna Do It Song"
· "The Trent Is Getting Ready Song"

· "I Have Friends (reprise)"
· "Flooded with Justice (reprise)
· "I Could If I Wanted To (reprise)"
· "Thought Bubbles (reprise)"

· "The Math of Love Triangles (reprise)"
· "Rebecca's Reprise"
·"After Everything You Made Me Do (That You Didn’t Ask For)"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Album Bonus tracks

· "Sex Toys"

· "It's Not Difficult To Define Miss Douche"

· "Santa Ana Winds 6 A.M." (Demo)

· "I'm Just A Girl In Love" (featuring Adam Schlesinger)

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