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JAP Battle

JAP Battle
Performer(s): Rebecca and Audra (with Darryl, Paula, Josh and lawyers) — First Appearance: "Josh and I Go to Los Angeles!"
Written by: Zach Sherwin, Adam Schlesinger and Rachel Bloom


Quote
A Jewish American Princess...Daughters of privilege...
EndQuote
— Audra's team


"JAP Battle" is a rap battle face off between Rebecca Bunch and her nemesis Audra Levine. During the face off they discussed thier antagonistic history together and Audra advised Rebecca to drop the suit. It was first heard in the Season One episode "Josh and I Go to Los Angeles!".

The song with lyricsEdit

Broadcast versionEdit

Jap Battle (feat02:46

Jap Battle (feat. Rachel Bloom, Rachel Grate)

Lyrics:

Audra Levine:
This is real deep beef
from way back in the past.
Deeper than I'll put a foot
up in the crack of your ass.

Come on, let's do this.
Your little pals can witness
how vicious
this Westchester
alpha bitch is.
I'm straight up malicious,
a verbal curb stomper.
Since we were toddlers,
I've studied every chink in your armor
and between your folks' divorce
and that haircut on ya
I'm really not sure
which one's the bigger shondeh!


Rebecca:
That means "disgrace."
I'm translating for the Goys.

Our life lines have been
parallel like corduroys!
But now we'll see
whose bars will prevail
in this beef of two hard-as-nails
Shebrews from Scarsdale!

Audra Levine:
We've got a conflict of interest.

Rebecca:
I'm about to give Levine
the business!

Audra Levine:
Spitten' venomous hate...

Rebecca:
Penetratin' her defenses...

Audra Levin & Rebecca:
It's a JAP Battle!

Darryl:
A what?

New York Lawyers:
A Jewish American Princess...

Audra Levine:
Rap battle.

Darryl, Paula, & Josh:
Daughters of privilege...

Audra Levine:
Spitten' mad flow.

New York Lawyers:
Find that term offensive?

Audra Levine:
Too bad, yo!

Audra Levine & Rebecca:
Oh snap, it's a JAP battle rap.

Rebecca:
Look: academically,
you could never catch me.
You were close,
but no match scholastically.
No how, no way.
I put the "O.G" in
"5.0 GPA!"

Audra Levine:
Well speaking of which,
are you AP graded?
Cause these days,
You look a bit heavily weighted.
And all your book-crackin'
don't make up for the fact that
I'm strapped with that
killer instinct that you lack.

Sweetheart, here's what
you're not understanding:
I'm street smart.

Rebecca:
You mean 'cause you minored
In urban planning?
Bitch!
I know you,
that tough act's a bluff.
So sheket bevaka
SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Audra Levine:
Your temper!
You lost it!
Aw! Cute!
Like you're gonna lose this lawsuit!
Keeping your pie-hole shut
would be quite wise
though you kept it open wide
for the A.E. Pi-guys!

Rebecca:
And I banged your hedge-fund
manager fiancée!
Back in college
over Winter holidays.
Bathroom stall
at the Matzo Ball
and honestly, I gotta say:
Really not hot all.
Finished quick,
rotten lay.

Darryl, Paula, & Josh:
This is...

Rebecca:
... a JAP battle!

New York Lawyers:
Bane of my existence...

Rebecca:
You're ryhmes are facile!

Audra Levine:
From Golden's Bridge...

Rebecca:
...to North Castle.

Audra Levin & Rebecca:
Wipe you off the map
in this JAP battle rap!

Audra Levine:
Bunch, you're a curse,
you're a blight
we were frenemies
at first spite!
Think your verse is tight?
Then you're trippin' like birthright.
I'll wipe the mirth right off your
fugly mug and fill you full of slugs
like a straight up thug!

Rebecca:
Uh, that word is racist.
Someone ought to tell you.
Like me! I belong to the ACLU.

Audra Levine:
Spare me.
I'm a card-carrying member.
Plus I spent a semester
in Kenya, remember?

Rebecca:
Well, I volunteered in Ghana.

Audra Levine:
Well I guess that makes us equal.

Rebecca:
Well it's settled then:

Audra Levine & Rebecca:
We're both cool with black people.

Audra Levine:
Cause we're liberals.

Rebecca:
Duh! Progressive as hell.

Audra Levine & Rebecca:
Though of course I support
Israel.

Rebecca:
Audra.
Wait.
We share so many traits.
Should we shake hands
and erase the hate
created by our mothers
pitting us against each other
for accolades and grades?
We were egged on like
Seder plates!

Audra Levine:
...
Nah.

In summation,
you left New York
for this sunburn shtetl.
And now you're like "Oh Audra,
Let's settle."
You wanna get salty
like the dead sea?
Word.
Better call off
this suit
or you're dead
C-word.


Explicit versionEdit

JAP Battle (EXPLICIT) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"02:58

JAP Battle (EXPLICIT) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

Lyrics:

Audra Levine:
This is real deep beef
from way back in the past.
Deeper than I'll put a foot
up in the crack of your ass.

Come on, let's do this.
Your little pals can witness
how vicious
this Westchester
alpha bitch is.
I'm straight up malicious,
a verbal curb stomper.
Since we were toddlers,
I've studied every chink in your armor
and between your folks' divorce
and that haircut on ya
I'm really not sure
which one's the bigger shondeh!


Rebecca:
That means "disgrace."
I'm translating for the Goys.

Our life lines have been
parallel like corduroys!
But now we'll see
whose bars will prevail
in this beef of two hard-as-nails
Shebrews from Scarsdale!

Audra Levine:
We've got a conflict of interest.

Rebecca:
I'm about to give Levine
the business!

Audra Levine:
Spitten' venomous hate...

Rebecca:
Penetratin' her defenses...

Audra Levin & Rebecca:
It's a JAP Battle!

Darryl:
A what?

New York Lawyers:
A Jewish American Princess...

Audra Levine:
Rap battle.

Darryl, Paula, & Josh:
Daughters of privilege...

Audra Levine:
Spitten' mad flow.

New York Lawyers:
Find that term offensive?

Audra Levine:
Too bad, yo!

Audra Levine & Rebecca:
Oh snap, it's a JAP battle rap.

Rebecca:
Look: academically,
you could never catch me.
You were close,
but no match scholastically.
No how, no way.
I put the "O.G" in
"5.0 GPA!"

Audra Levine:
Well speaking of which,
are you AP graded?
Cause these days,
You look a bit heavily weighted.
And all your book-crackin'
don't make up for the fact that
I'm strapped with that
killer instinct that you lack.

Sweetheart, here's what
you're not understanding:
I'm street smart.

Rebecca:
You mean 'cause you minored
In urban planning?
Bitch!
I know you,
that tough act's a bluff.
So sheket bevaka
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Audra Levine:
Your temper!
You lost it!
Aw! Cute!
Like you're gonna lose this lawsuit!
But here's one category
where you no rival:
Blowing frat guys
with your A.E. Pi-Hole!

Rebecca:
And I banged your hedge-fund
manager fiancée!
Back in college
over Winter holidays.
Bathroom stall
at the Matzo Ball
and honestly
I gotta say:
Really not hot at all.
Small dick,
rotten lay.


Darryl, Paula, & Josh:
This is...

Rebecca:
... a JAP battle!

New York Lawyers:
Bane of my existence...

Rebecca:
You're an asshole!

Audra Levine:
From Golden's Bridge...

Rebecca:
...to North Castle.

Audra Levin & Rebecca:
Wipe you off the map
in this JAP battle rap!

Audra Levine:
Bunch, you're a curse,
you're a blight
we were frenemies
at first spite!
Think your verse is tight?
Then you're trippin' like birthright.
I'll wipe the mirth right off your
fugly mug and fill you full of slugs
like a straight up thug!

Rebecca:
Uh, that word is racist.
Someone ought to tell you.
Like me! I belong to the ACLU.

Audra Levine:
Spare me.
I'm a card-carrying member.
Plus I spent a semester
in Kenya, remember?

Rebecca:
Well, I volunteered in Ghana.

Audra Levine:
Well I guess that makes us equal.

Rebecca:
Well it's settled then:

Audra Levine & Rebecca:
We're both cool with black people.

Audra Levine:
Cause we're liberals.

Rebecca:
Duh! Progressive as hell.

Audra Levine & Rebecca:
Though of course I support
Israel.

Rebecca:
Audra.
Wait.
We share so many traits.
Should we shake hands
and erase the hate
created by our mothers
pitting us against each other
for accolades and grades?
We were egged on like
Seder plates!

Audra Levine:
...
Nah.

In summation,
you left New York
for this fuckin' shtetl.
And now you're like "Oh Audra,
Let's settle."
You wanna get salty
like the dead sea?
Word.
Better call off
this suit
or you're dead
C-word.


NotesEdit

Jewish vocabularyEdit

  • Shondeh: As Rebecca points out it means disgrace, shame or scandal of some kind.
  • Goy: Anyone who is not Jewish.
  • Sheket bevaka(sha): Hebrew for be quiet.
  • Matzo Ball: An annual Christmas Eve party for young Jewish professionals.
  • Seder plates: Traditional plates used for Passover Seder ; hard roasted boiled eggs called "Beitzah " are served on them.
  • Shtetl: A small Jewish village in Eastern Europe; sounds similar to a crass American expression regarding an unfavorable place.
  • Birthright: Audra raps "trippin' like Birthright" which alludes to Birthright Israel , a not-for-profit educational organization that sponsors free ten-day heritage trips to Israel for Jewish young adults, aged 18–26.

Locations mentionedEdit

  • Westchester is a county in New York which is known for having wealthy and affluent residents.
  • Scarsdale is a town and village located in Westchester County in the northern suburbs of New York.
  • Golden's Bridge is a hamlet in Westchester County located inside the town of Lewisboro.
  • North Castle is another town in Westchester County smaller than Scarsdale and without any villages.

Live performancesEdit

Rachel Bloom and Rachel Grate are known to have performed "JAP Battle" live on two different occasions. One was for a special one night show Rachel Bloom had on May 18, 2016 at the Largo nightclub in Los Angeles. The other was for an Entertainment Weekly 2016 PopFest event in which the cast was invited to attend.
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Rachel Bloom & Cast Perform 'JAP Battle' Live PopFest Entertainment Weekly03:03

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Rachel Bloom & Cast Perform 'JAP Battle' Live PopFest Entertainment Weekly

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Songs
Season 1 Songs

· "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme Song"
· "West Covina (song)"
· "The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
· "I'm So Good At Yoga"
· "Feelin' Kinda Naughty"
· "Face Your Fears"
· "I Have Friends"
· "A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes"
· "Settle For Me"

· "Sex with a Stranger"
· "I Love My Daughter"
· "I'm a Good Person"
· "I Give Good Parent"
· "What'll It Be"
· "Sexy French Depression"
· "His Status is...Preferred"
· "Where's the Bathroom?"
· "California Christmastime"
· "Women Gotta Stick Together"
· "Dear Joshua Felix Chan"

· "Having a Few People Over"
· "Put Yourself First"
· "Textmergency"
· "Where Is The Rock?"
· "You Stupid Bitch"
· "Group Hang"
· "Romantic Moments"
· "Cold Showers"
· "JAP Battle"
· "Flooded with Justice
· "Gettin' Bi"
· "I'm The Villain In My Own Story"

· "Dream Ghost"
· "I Could If I Wanted To"
· "Clean Up on Aisle 4"
· "Heavy Boobs"
· "I Gave You a UTI"
· "Angry Mad"
· "Oh My God I Think I Like You"
· "After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)"
· "One Indescribable Instant"

Season 2 Songs

· "Just a Girl in Love"
· "Love Kernels"
· "We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now"
· "Maybe This Dream"
· "Greg's Drinking Song"
· "Ping Pong Girl"
· "The Math of Love Triangles"
· "It Was a S*** Show"

· "We Tapped That Ass"
· "Makey Makeover"
· "Thought Bubbles"
· "Triceratops Ballet"
· "Friendtopia"
· "Stuck in the Bathroom"
· "Research Me Obsessively"
· "You Go First"
· "So Maternal"

· "Duh!"
· "Who's The New Guy?"
· "George's Turn"
· "We'll Never Have Problems Again"
· "Remember That We Suffered"
· "Santa Ana Winds"
· "Let's Have Intercourse"

· "You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)"
· "Man Nap"
· "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick"
· "Period Sex"
· "What a Rush to Be a Bride"

Season 3 Songs

· "Where's Rebecca Bunch?"
· "Let's Generalize About Men"

· TBA

·TBA

· TBA

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reprises

· "West Covina (I)"
· "West Covina (II)"
· "Settle For Me (I)"
· "Settle For Me (II)"

· "I'm a Good Person (silent)"
· "The Sexy Gonna Do It Song"
· "The Trent Is Getting Ready Song"

· "I Have Friends (reprise)"
· "Flooded with Justice (reprise)

· "I Could If I Wanted To (reprise)"
· "Thought Bubbles (reprise)"
· "The Math of Love Triangles (reprise)"
· "Rebecca's Reprise"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Album Bonus tracks

· "Sex Toys"

· "It's Not Difficult To Define Miss Douche"

· "Santa Ana Winds 6 A.M." (Demo)

· "I'm Just A Girl In Love" (featuring Adam Schlesinger)
CharactersEpisodesLocationsCast

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